Jon Does Gambia: Day 5 "Ladies' Spa Day"

Tell me this ain’t a cover of Vanity Fair

Tell me this ain’t a cover of Vanity Fair

I had told my friend that I was down to work out at the beach at 7am. I was so sure that he wouldn’t be there that I didn’t even tell Swedie the plan. I just got up and went to breakfast as if everything was normal. Guess who showed up halfway through my delicious omelette.

       - I was waiting for you down by the beach

       - My bad, man. I thought you were gonna come to my room. Can we go after breakfast?

He gave me a side eye and went to grab a light breakfast. I ate light as well. I was not trying to vomit on the beach due to working out on a full stomach. 

I went down to the beach with what I now consider a psychopath. We ran, did soccer drills, NFL drills, calisthenics and yoga all as intervals of a long ass run. I kept looking back and thinking about the run back. Why do I say yes to things?

We finally started heading back toward the beach. Silly me was tired. My psychopath of a friend got restless and said he needed to run and then swim. Word?

       - I’ll see you at the restaurant

I felt good about doing a workout, but now I felt like I need to get in better shape. 

There had been talk about this girl’s spa day floating around all week. Yeah, yeah we get it. Wine and massages and the dads will take the kids. The day for the spa day had changed a couple of times, but it was going to happen. I didn’t care. I’ve kept my kids alive for whole days, let alone a few hours. 

Then they left. It was cool to see the different dads in action and their techniques. I’d see one feeding a kid in the restaurant setting up for the big nap. Then one guy would walk by with his kid on his shoulders on his way to the pool. One dad was at the pool the entire time soaking up the sun while his kids played.

I chose to tag team it with my trusty sidekick Mike. We had four kids between us and two of them will babysit each other. I really like this approach. At lunch, we ordered beers and discussed how unfair it is that we were not allowed to complain about this. Sure, the spa day is good and relaxing and deserved. But if one of us said a peep about it we would be demonized as unloving and hateful partners. How dare we complain about four measly hours when they sacrifice EVERYTHING?! And don’t get us started on not hoping they had a wonderful time. We had better hope they had a great and relaxing time since they deserved it so much. You can’t not care if she had a great time or not. Indifference is not an option here, Dad! You have to wish that this was one of the best spa experiences ever. She deserves it and you’re an asshole if you don’t know that. The ladies came back and we all played the game. They wanted us to run to them with fear and relief in our eyes. Thrust a child in their hands and beg for this to stop. We wanted them to realize that this was just an afterthought.

       - Oh yeah, today was spa day. I didn’t even realize you were gone.

The truth obviously lies somewhere in the middle. We appreciate our partners, we’re all capable dads, yet it’s nice having assistance with the kids. We read the lines from our provided scripts.

floaties anyone_.jpg

       - Did you have a good time, honey?

Of course they did. They took a picture that looked like the cover of fucking Vanity Fair magazine. Would it be possible to leave them alone for four hours with the kids in the middle of the day? Yes it would be possible. But we wouldn’t be greeted with “did you have a good time, honey?” Just sayin’.

The rest of the day was nice. A little bit of the beach. A little bit of the pool. A lot of luxury. This should be life. Unfortunately this entire day was on the resort. Tomorrow I would need to get out into town and see what’s what. I went to bed excited. Until next time…