My Last "Almost Naked-Around-Mom" Moment


Friday’s episode had me thinking about the last time I was naked in front of my mom. I’ve spoken on the pod before about that time she bathed my brother and me when we were 12. That was pretty traumatic. After that I can’t remember being naked in front of her. I do, however, remember the closest I’ve been to naked since that terrible bath.

One time I had a hair bump down in my nether regions. It was so filled with puss that it was hard to the touch. And SORE. I needed to get that thing taken care of. I was home on leave when it was at its worst so I thought it best to ask my mom to have a look at it.

I didn’t want her looking at my junk, so I went through my old clothes and found some bikini underwear that I used to wear under my swimming trunks. Those would allow Momma Rollins to inspect me without seeing too much. As I think back on it, I wonder why I didn’t just bust that thing myself but I was young and dumb and newly away from home. Oddly it was comforting that my mom was going to help me. It’s like when I used to lay on her lap while she cleaned my ears with a hairpin. I could clean my ears myself, but it was better when Mom did it.

Momma Rollins was such a professional. She never mentioned how stupid I looked there in my bikini drawers or how ridiculous it was that she was tasked with bursting this hair bump. She got her tweezers, put on her glasses and squinted at my hair bump. She removed the hair from it, then pressed her thumbs together until all of the fluid was out. It hurt like hell, but I felt comfort in the fact that my mother had taken care of my painful bump.

I won’t forget how grossed out she looked (she re-enacted her grossed out face for this post). It was the same way she used to look in our mouths when she checked to see how well we brushed our teeth. Momma Rollins was the master of making us feel like we were disgusting. A woman at my old job shaved her 16 year-old son’s pubic hair. I thought that shit was insane. However, in retrospect I don’t think it’s that far off from my mom bursting a hair bump inches from my testicles. Well at least I had on bikini drawers. Wait… is that better? I don’t know. I don’t want to think about this shit anymore. Sandra is on hair bump duty from now on. Until next time…

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